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What If We’re NOT Here To Help Others

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Don’t get me wrong, I think helping others is a great thing. But I don’t think it’s the base level of motivation. For instance, what if we’re here to follow our hearts, to follow our impulses, to flow with our own energy. And what if that is what appears in physical reality as looking like “helping others” sometimes…. and sometimes it doesn’t.

For instance, what if your deepest desire is to make art, or to be an accountant? You COULD look at either of those as ‘helping others’ in various ways, but it might take a bit of rationalizing. Does getting paid for what you dearly love to do still count as ‘helping others’? What if you spend 8+ hours a day in a sales job where you enjoy hooking people up with things they are wanting to resell? If the other person believes it’s helping them, if only financially, is that ‘helping others’? Or if you spend 8+ hours at a job that MAY help others but are then too tired to do much of anything else except read a book and pet your cat?

My issue behind this is that when I hear ‘helping others’ or ‘service to others’, I think of everyone running around focusing on what they think everyone ELSE wants. Which, yes, is a skewed view of the term. But it always made me cringe, because a larger part of me connected with following our impulses, flowing with our own energy ideas instead, which then, as you’re acting in alignment with your Higher Self / Source, ends up also adding to the quality of life of those around you in some way, at the same time.

Maybe it’s our physical reality focused minds who look out and see the effect we are having in the world around us. Just as long as we don’t leave our prime motivation behind and think the effect is the important part, out there in physical reality.

Anyway, just a few thoughts, since I haven’t posted in a long time – but I’m still here!

The Blank Stare

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A number of years ago I was attending a professional conference with people that I had grown to know, online, pretty well. When we met, we were already really comfortable with each other and had great conversations.

At one point (not during the conference itself) the topic shifted to dreams and how weird they were, etc. I really started to get interested now – my metaphysical ears had perked up. Although these people knew me well from our professional “day job” association, the topic of dreams or any kind of metaphysics had never really come up before.  Feeling very comfortable with this group, I jumped into the dream conversation with something like, “It’s like when you have an OBE or a lucid dream and…..” I can’t even remember what point I was making at the time, all I remember is the blank stares and the sudden silence. There might even have been sideways glances to see if anyone else knew what I was talking about.  “OBE’s – you know, out of body experiences?” More silence – apparently my assessment that they just didn’t know what OBE stood for was incorrect, as explaining the acronym did nothing to break the silence. In that moment I did some really fancy footwork and managed to make my point, if watered down, at the same time bringing the conversation right back to the “dreams are weird” level, and discussion once again continued. I breathed an internal sigh of relief, and hoped my transgression into lands unknown would be forgotten as I tried to act like nothing had happened.

This is not purely an issue for metaphysical geek types, as this sort of thing happens, to some extent, in any conversations which are out of someone’s comfort zone or area of awareness. But for metaphysics, it’s not just a lateral difference of topic, you’re talking about an entirely different level of consciousness, awareness, and understanding of ourselves. In one fell swoop, I’d tried to take the conversation from the “dreams are weird” statement (which is basically a dismissal of dreams as just funny and odd, but nothing to waste further time wondering about), to a place which to me was just the next logical topic of conversation, but was to them, as I realized in that very tense moment, was completely outside their framework of who they were, what they assumed about “life”, and what was, at most, just imagination – something kids grew out of.

During this long moment of my life, I felt scared that I would be laughed at, fearful of being, thereafter, shunned from a group that I had considered good friends, worried that I was “outed” and they’d always looks at me as “weird” from now on, etc. Luckily, none of those things seemed to happen, as the dynamics quickly returned to what they were before. I don’t know if my comments were just dismissed by them, not really “heard” to begin with, or if they had heard, but hadn’t known how to respond, and perhaps, just maybe, had taken in a few of the words I’d blurted out.

I’m still friends with these terrific people, but stick to more conventional topics in any discussion we have. But the metaphysical geek in me learned a number of things:

– Even if you’re really comfortable with people, don’t assume that everyone is then ‘just like you’. People are multifaceted, and you may only match up on a few of those facets. You don’t have to avoid alternative topics, but go in with your eyes open and feel your way through the conversation consciously.

– I’d felt this way for most of my life – that a part of me just wasn’t reflected in the people and attitudes of those around me – which made me do my best to fit in, or at the very least, to not let my differences come out or be noticed at all. Often the hoped-for, best case scenario was to be ignored. This non-reflection also led to constant feelings of self-doubt about the things I ‘knew’ in my gut were true about the world, and thus, a continued lack of expression of these inclinations, and fear to do so.

– The early training to ‘fit in’ and learning that my weird ideas didn’t really have a place in the framework in which I grew up, (which, at the time, I assumed to be “physical reality” instead of just “my parents beliefs about physical reality”) most likely led me to recreating this scenario and these uncomfortable feelings until I learned to accept those parts of myself. It doesn’t mean making, for instance, my professional group of friends accept and understand that part of me they weren’t aligned with themselves, but it does mean accepting that there’s nothing wrong with me just because the ‘mass reality’ doesn’t seem to ‘get it’.  To be comfortable with who I am, proud even, without a need to seek approval and acceptance outside myself. When I accept myself and even feel proud of who I am, that acceptance will then be reflected in my physical experience.

It also occurred to me that there really is no straight-line linear boundary between what is weird and what is not. There’s isn’t only one version of mass reality – there’s one for each of use that radiates out from us in concentric circles – us, immediate family beliefs, how mass reality is portrayed in the media, world politics, etc. (I don’t think I’m describing that well, but I’ll let it be for now.) For instance, if talking about lucid dreams and OBE’s is weird to what I’d call a more mundane mass reality sort of situation, then people who are into “all of that new age stuff” would certainly be open to all of these types of concepts, right? Nope – same rules apply – don’t assume.  For instance, what about talking about how we create our own reality to people who’s “first awakening to there being more to the world than physical reality” is realizing they’ve experienced a terrifying alien abduction scenario? Hell, even chatting on a forum about reality creation doesn’t have the ‘everyone agrees and is here for the same reasons’ kind of cohesion that might be expected.

I’ve learned that I have to come to terms with who *I* am, in any situation. If I feel like I need to hold back a part of who I am, then essentially I need to accept that part of who I am. If I find I’m more focused on fearing what other people will think of me ‘if’…. then I’m obviously focusing too much on what I think THEY would think (which is still only what I think – it may have nothing to do with what they are ACTUALLY thinking – it’s my own projection), and not on what *I* truly think about myself, etc.  I don’t have to make my professionally-inclined friends accept my interest in OBEs or non-physical awareness. And, just because I know something doesn’t mean I’m required to always share it – each moment/conversation has a life and focus of its own.

On the flip-side of this was my own sort of ‘blank stare’ moment – sort of. We were having dinner with some friends, a lively conversation that naturally flowed from topic to topic, and one of them, in a only-somewhat-related tangent, shared with us his general belief in UFOs/Aliens.  Our friends are very open-minded and accepting, but have never indicated any interest in anything metaphysical, anything beyond the usual physical reality topics. Now, my S.O. and I have had our own experiences and opinions about this topic, so much so that our own “blank stares” had more to do with “how do we respond to this without overwhelming them because we’re bursting to share all we know, while at the same time encouraging him to feel we are accepting of his ideas and would love to hear more” etc. I quickly decided to reply with a general affirmation that there’s definitely more to the world than we think, and a little bit about infrared cameras being able to see some intriguing activity in the night sky. As before, the conversation just flowed onward, smoothly (no actual blank stares or tense silences, I hope – all of this happened in my head in a split second), and although I would have loved to have drilled him with questions, and gotten really deep, it just wasn’t to be for this moment in time. Maybe next time. 😉

Now, this experience gives me yet another way of explaining a suddenly tense ‘blank stare’ sort of moment – not just having no idea of what someone is talking about, or having too MUCH of an idea of what someone is talking about. The first kind I felt as a disconnect, the second I felt as a connection. But each could have been due to my own expectations, and a reflection of my own expectations based on my level of self-acceptance in that moment. Maybe my professional friends felt even more uncomfortable than I did because they DID have their own experiences with OBEs that they hadn’t really accepted yet. Again, though, I can’t assume what’s going on with them – I can only deal with what energy I am bringing to the conversation. (What you can see going on in physical reality can look the same on the outside, but have wildly divergent causes underneath.)

I think the more we accept who we truly are, the more fluid we get with this whole type of experience. Having learned the lesson of the ‘blank stare’ from two different perspectives, I’m paying more attention and making fewer assumptions, at the same time learning to be at ease with however I feel like expressing myself in the moment.

I’m also experiencing a wonderful feeling of relief at having finally embraced a part of myself that I hadn’t realized I’d still been holding away at arm’s length. I wonder where I can apply this next…

Blending the Metaphysical with Conscious Creation and Pagan Ritual

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I’ve been reading a bit of metaphysical detective type fiction lately, and enjoying it immensely. Not just because it’s well-written with good characters, but because the essence of the magic in it just feels right. It does play with a lot of magical archtypes and myths, but the way the magic itself WORKS, the base of it all, just seems spot on to me.

The more ‘systems’ of thought I learn in terms of metaphysics, in terms of how the different teachers approach the subject, the more satisfying it is to find the essence of each and how they are basically the same, if done well.  For instance, in the Conscious Creation avenue, there’s the idea that you have to focus on what you want, and then let it go, go do something else, and let the universe bring together the pieces and manifest the end result. In many pagan approaches, there is the spell-casting, and often the burning of a paper on which the spell or intent was written, thus sending it to the higher beings to make ‘real’.

The ritualistic aspects of the pagan approach have history and practicality on their side – the steps you take are very specific and offer a repeated neural pathway in which to train magicbelieveinyourselfthe self. It also mirrors the steps that consciousness has to take Although sometimes the ritual is remembered more than the reasons behind it, in which case the spell casting is not as effective. The Conscious Creation approach has the concepts of modern psychology and philosophy going for it, which certainly appeals to the left brain, and explains WHY it all supposedly works, but the lesser grounding in physicality can sometimes leave open a door for endless mental entanglement, self-doubt, and thought spinning, getting nothing accomplished, physically speaking.

I have the urge to create a system of rituals for Conscious Creation, to blend the metaphysical and pagan ideas to see what I can come up with. I’m sure many people are already doing this, have done this. Of course, there’s always room for a new system. They are like facets of a crystal – you can understand the facets, and begin to get the feel or knowing of the larger crystal, but from a standpoint in physical reality, you’ll never be able to see the entirely of the crystal all at once with our eyes (or left brain). What a tease!

Mirror of Self-Acceptance

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There are similarities and difference between being a geek about a science fiction show, and being a geek about metaphysics and reality creation. If you’re a geek about a sci-fi show, you’ll get the same weird looks from people who aren’t, and they’ll mostly just shrug and move on these days. This was probably a little more challenging in the early days of sci-fi, for instance, when many people didn’t even know what it was! But since it has become a known quantity, thanks to shows like The Big Bang Theory, it’s no longer such a threat – it’s easily set into its own box in the mind.

From my perspective right now, the difference is that if you tell people who aren’t into metaphysics that you believe that you are a multi-dimensional being and that you create your own reality, you’ll still get some weird looks, but there’s the added weight of being considered absolutely nuts as well.

Of course, as a metaphysical geek, I have to point out that I feel this way because I did not grow up in an environment that supported expanded ideas of the self, metaphysical realities, reality creation, or even things like talking about dreams, so I understand that there’s a belief there about “crossing the line” fully into crazy land from conventional mass reality. At least, that’s how I, apparently, decided to set things up for myself when I came into physical reality. I suppose I could have chosen parents that were already into this sort of thing, or even chosen an entire planet that accepted we are all spiritual beings creating our own realities in the physical. But I didn’t. So I acknowledge that not everyone has this type of challenge.

Since physical reality is a reflection of my own INNER landscape, the more I fully accept that I am a conscious creator, and become comfortable with it to whatever extent I do, the more that sense of acceptance is mirrored around me in my experience. This makes perfect sense if you take the sci-fi example from earlier – at first, perhaps in the 1950’s, it was a very odd thing to like and not well-known. But after a few generations, and more and more people accepting and liking it, it has become essentially mainstream now.

Perhaps metaphsyics and consciousness and reality creation are the new ‘weird’ now.

Another related thing I’ve had to deal with is the anger and frustration I’ve had about being told “this is how the REAL world works – not YOUR way”. It was told to me in the manner of trying to teach, of course, not to be mean, with constant ‘correction’. The anger and frustration of not being able to be all of who you really knew you were and having to try to live within the rules that your parents and society show you. It’s a good thing now to see this for what it is, and release the anger that had become my ‘vibe’ in this area, and making space for my real vibe – finally.

Being a Metaphysical Geek

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I’ve always been a geek. And by that I mean that when I’m interested or intriqued or curious about something, or if I resonate with something, I dive into it and try to learn as much about it as possible, perhaps even experience as much as possible. I do not limit my geekiness to any specific topic as is usually associated with ‘geekdom’, like science fiction and fantasy, comic books, etc. – ‘geek’ is a state of mind, not a specific manifestation.

I’m a geek about metaphysics. I have great interest and curiosity about metaphysics, consciousness, reality creation, and similar areas, and I like applying analytical thinking to these concepts and experiences to help further my understanding. To be clear, this is way beyond the ‘what is true or not’ process of applying conventional thinking to experiences beyond the current mass belief system. To my thinking, the only result of that avenue is that it’s completely subjective and dynamic for each person, rendering the attempt itself moot, and raising even more, and hopefully better, questions as a result.

Questions always lead to more questions, and that’s especially obvious within the apparent boundlessness of consciousness and existence. There may be platforms of thought along the way where you’ll rest for a while in your understanding, but then you’ll ask more questions and start moving along again. If there are too many answers are presented, and not enough questions being asked, yup, start walking.

What do you know about who you are, how you think and why you think the things you do? How does what you see around you in physical reality corrolate with your expectations of it? What are emotions and how are they communicating with you? If you’ve ever had a dream where you felt completely awake and aware, did you end up dismissing it and going about your usual day or did you wonder how that *is*?

So. I don’t know yet what this website is or will be, but I’ve put some words together that I’m happy with for now. We shall see!